Tuesday, April 28, 2009 3:42 PM

just had lunch and here i am still with school uniform and smoking in my bloody room which cozens me...huhu.
i love it when after a meal i smoke.it just feels nice.
hor smokers?
haha.
today was quite stressful.was mt paper mann.i dont think i did well.for paper 2 i did well.but for paper 1 sucks mann.my malay is basic malay like primary sch malay.reasons..i dont speak malay at home,i dont really have alot of malay friends even if i do i would talk to them in english except for some familiar ones.my malay was cocked up.during exam i had to turn to poy to ask syaqinah wad is ic in malay and lots more of words.and there goes my last stick of ciggarettes for the day i guess.gees..im bankrupt thanks to ciggy and food and food.oh gosh! gotta to cut down on food mann.just before lunch seen a few vidoes on youtube by the syncta.omg! its so funny that i kept on laughing and laughing.and yet im falling in love with a guy called jake.hes just so cool. but things are playing on my mind now wandering are they gays? lol.
read a lot of comments on them that they are hot gays.wtf?
fucking handsome la.hee..i have a fetish on caucasians guys..idk y..but as when one of them approached me i would be scared to death.hahah.weird huh?
today a bit of disspointment happened.but dont feel like saying it out bcos some one has been reading my blog recently.anddd it scares me.wanna noe who??its homies mann..
GAWD!
today got free shoutings from ben..wahh he shout damn loud till my ear drums can burst i tell you..but what i did was just shutt upp and ask him not to shout at me again.but he did again and i hacked care.
to gregory ho .im really sorry for what ive done to you.
i really am.its like commonla out of stress u tell me the things that i dont want to hear then i made the wrong move that will take you some time to realise or forgive me.i dont really care but i know my doing to you its never wrong.when i wanted to shake its not bcos of stress or anything its bcos of fun and addicted.when i really wanted the shake, WHY??BCOS.. the addictions of me ur all got see?how bad it was?how bad was my flu?how bad my rashes came up?bcos of u guys ive been taking things that i shouldnt take bcos i love you all and i know u treasure me as much as i do to the rest.once againn try to forgive me.cos i will feel very awkward when im with you.
i didnt mean what i did to you.its bcos of the love i have for you hurts me when u wanted such things out of anger.it hurts me to see u like tis.u know how much i cared for you and always i says that u r the best di.you are and will always be.



you made me dumbfounded when i saw the things u carried then made me walk away instead of staying.i faked a smile.you came in and knocked me boyy.love is just so painful.pain till really hurts deep till wanted to always hate you for life but i just couldnt bring myself to do it.

28 april 2009 marked the date that we have not been together for 2yrs and 4days.
we broke up just 3 days after our 1 yr anniversarry
did u even care?
did u even count?
did u bother ?
u dont and i did.all the pain is still safely kept in my heart for my ego and ur ego too..
u are also ego. over a stupid dumb woman and a bottle of an alchohol drink my hopes for you went to the drain.i did ask for an apology but u insisted that im still young and should enjoy life more.
cant we just enjoy it together?
whats past is past! we cant change it.and thats why theres the word called memories.i had good and bad ones with you.i will never be able to forget them.whenever im alone.its still fresh in my mind that you are always with me.even up to now sometimes when i talk to my friends bout you i would still call u boyfriend thenn slapped my mouth and continued the conversation.why do i do that? its bcos im still hoping that u will turn back to me one final day.when ure far away u missed me.when im near u dont.is that called love? i could easily just get into another relationship again but i know i cant when ure always still on my mind.fresh enough that i will always talk bout you.
i cant bear to be with another person just to forget you.i dont want that to happened thats why i chose not to be in a relationship.i missed ur hugs.i missed ur care for me.i missed ur pamper especially wen im having my period where you would stood the day by me just to take care of me.i reaally missed those.and the most is dancing with you in the rain after chingayy parade street dancing where u would run ur hands all over me and wouldnt let me go even for a second cos ure afraid that people would dance with me.hahahs.its still fresh boyy and here i am reminnicing it again.but now during my painful periods what do i get?
scoldings instead.=( from homies.
i want u back badly.='(
haisss....wish u were here just to give me a peck of kiss on my forehead when u normally do before we went our own ways.(home)