Sunday, May 31, 2009 12:58 PM

it was cycling for friday night.
went to changi then to east coast and backk to hougang.
overall journey was okayy...quite funn.
otw back witnessed an accident.
i was stopping waiting for the rest at the bustop when a loud bang heard!
i turned and saw a car banged onto the green2 thing like railing like that.
first thing that crossed my mind was 4D!
muahahaha
rushed to help the driver out,turn out to be a woman.
asked her how come she bang on the railings she said she fell asleep..cool huh??
wtf..wtf..driving also can fall asleep.cannot blame her actually..her aircon was full blast mann..


saturday..nothing much happened as the whole afternoon was at home rotting like hell due to my bad cough.my cough is real bad it needs to be treated.its like 3 bottles of cough syrup is gone.
and my bad cough is still here.at night met syaqinah ridhwan and pamela and ilana
played didi all the way until i went to packet some food to eat cos have not eaten for the whole day..hungry~
came back then pamela and ridwan wanted to make a move.
then the best part came...drinking session with tengku,liliq,kak mustika and myself..wahh shiok mann..its been a long time since i have this feeling..the tipsy feeling..i feel so light...it was tequila gold for the night.tequila gold with apple juice is nice mann..a great mixture.
just nice.not too strong not too tasteless.



and todayy...woke up at 12 due to the noise level at home cos dads home and the whole family wanted to go out to JB!
wee....the house is empty!
left me and the house..im so gna rock and roll mann with my bad cough.
now im off to take a bath..
HOT!

Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:02 AM

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 8:57 PM

mint aminah is sick and tired of those sweet talk thingy.
shes just sick sick and tired of it!
she hates it alot when people gives her false hopes.
especially when it comes to falling in love. and i noe that im very weak in that.
haiss..
i miss school..been a long time since i wore my uniform.
glad to know that i can return tmr to do my practical
im going to give my very best in that.jiayou aminah!
i never had a dream come true so far so im gna make this possible.
i miss my past. very very much. when i was the youngest and being pampered by the rest.
not with parents but friends.

what have i been doing lately?
i having been having very very late nights and waking up late also.
i will turn it at 5-6am and wake up at 1-2pm .
i just cant sleep.insomnia..
too much things has been bothering me.
just too much untill i will hang my head down.

Thursday, May 21, 2009 1:08 AM

okay im gonna be bored to death i tell youu cos tomorrow is gonna be the 21st may and that means that my suspension starts which im gonna miss my career day,my practical preparation(not sure yet cos gotta to talk to whoever in charge of my suspension thing)




posting again.too tired

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 6:21 PM

im so cocked up!
i felt so lost!
i dont need mum to hit me alr and i can feel damn lost!
her words really cut me deep till idk what to do alr.
i took wadeva i could and went down lucky isra and raziq was there if not i think i would be lost maybe in the terrace again.
i drew and drew wadeva i could but to no avail.
my anger is sill there.and still angry.
mums talks like i owe her my life like that.
wtf?? nonsense eh she..cocked up!
she never understands me at all..
she says all the past time stuffs again again! and im fucking sick of listening to it!
drugs came out,never coming back came out,police came out,petapis came out,urine test came out,retaining came out,bpc came out,court came out,people talking about me came out.everything laaa.asshole. i told her ive changed alr not like last time still dont want believe what can i do?
nothing what!!
bunch of suckers.
the other day just happy happy talk about my future like that then today...COCKED UP!
supposed to go out then cancelled due to mother.
i hate it when i cancelled sth ive planned to do.
the reason for our fight was i bought a bar of chocolate at 3 in the morning today.
whats the big deal??
chocolate only what!
cacat!
!!@#@#$!@#$%%&*&*%$#@@@#$$%^&*&%#!@#$^^&*(&&^$@@@@#$$$****&&&^^***^^&*****%%%^^&$$%%######
all those rubbish came out!
and seriously im really tired of it.sick and tired until felt so helpless,hopeless and useless..
i feel that im born just to listen to mum scoldings and scoldings and scoldings.
are all mums born to us to be scolded at? shouted at? sweared at?
nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts
i hate you mummy!!!
i really hate you!
all my future plans haved changed now! no more taking care of you alr.you can get out of my bloody sight when im out from this house.
yea! you treat me like a piece of shit when i was younger so why must i be nice to you in the future? i want to have a heart made up of stone not a soft heart! although i have a damn soft heart! im gonna make it hard when it comes to you! wars not over mum! it will never be over between you and me!


i think i should avoid everybody now
nobody cares so why should i?
im lazy alr to do wadeva.i wanna get a job and flee...
i want to go to australia at the end of the year by myself!

Friday, May 15, 2009 1:20 AM

im happy that ben and laureen patch up.
i really do.regardless of my help or not they still want to continue their journey.
im glad it happened!
but for ilana no its not turning out well at all.
its the opposite.
ilana wants to patch up but boiboi dosen.
and it really hurts me to see ilana cry.
and she would vent her anger on me and stuff..i know that she is stressed up and stuff thats why she did that and still angry at me bout the past .i know i know how it feels. but seriously i dint meant a thing! you were never like this before towards me.but i dont mind. as long as i can take i take. all those hugs and kisses i gave her was sincere from my heart none of them was out from symphathy. it seriously hurts me. but this is life you got to accept the facts.im really stressed sia..i cant bear to see my friends been through hardships nvm me cos ive experienced it all.just name it!
i may look dumb or whatever but im not. im always caring for you,here for you.
and now im also crying.it justs hurts me alot to see you in this condition. i wish i was the one taking it not you.
but im really glad that someone there to hear me out.
and syaqinah seriously i can sense ur love for me now.i can sense it alr or maybe youve change.
sorry for all those slaps on your thighs jus now.i was just playing around.
after all these years ive been alone i even forgot how is the feeling of love like. i find it really pointless of falling in love again. ive lost once i truly dont wan to lose till my last breath why not the second time?
too scared to fall in love alr..phobia..
maybe im born not to be in love but just love my friends only and i can see that im 3/4 there alr.
im just very complicated. nobody can understand me.only those who have cried with me then will understand but not fully.i always feel neglected by family thats why i have friends i make sure they love me. although i dont get love at home at least i get some from friends.they are the ones that makes me smile always unlike home always full of vulgarities from mum and dad until cannot bear alr go out. they always think very low of me. they think that i can never succeed in life and stuffs. is that what a parent should say? haiss..horrible.


i have never moved on in life.
im still here waiting for you.


maybe because of me falling out of love i became what i am now.
i want to talk to a stranger. someone who dosen know me at all.
i want to turn back time when i was a lil girl.daddy girl mum call it. cos daddy used to love me very much.he would buy me all the things i have asked for.now? a shampoo also very difficult!
its very very rare now i received gifts from dad. maybe mum is the reason why..
am i difficult to talk to? =/

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 11:56 AM

me and baby are getting further apart.
i seriously dont mind at all cos he left me once. what makes him for not leaving me for the second time? its like aiyaa..forget it la..
but no matter what; your ring will be on my pinky finger.i will be waiting for you to come and get it if you want.
enough of baby alr. bored of talking over him..oh ya.he lied bout amin.he said amin saw the message rite? its not okayy..its him who showed him! asshole! my amin wont lie to me.


not long just came back school. i had my maths paper 2 just now. was tough mann..actually not so tough la its just that i have not enough time was late by 10 mins. if i were to come early also still the same.i never do questions that consists of 20 marks siaa..omg! .i need time management. so im left with like chemistry geography and food and nutrition.gawd!
and im free.....wee....
i need a job real soon. i need moneyy...ex boyfiee been calling me over..i dont wanna give him false hopes when my savings are like totally gone on ciggies and food..i do not know what to answer him when he asks for me mann..hee..im dead!


to my two most dearest friends BENJAMIN TAN ZHI JIAN AND ILANA THANAWONG CHOW MAYLENG.im so sorry that i could not afford to help out in your relationship. you cant force love.love comes mutually not forcefully. you should give it a break. take this time to think through what is good and bad for your relationship.
follow the right path..the decision is yours and also in your hands.

sunday im going out...guess where am i going?
mystery...let it remain a question mark first..
hahahahaah..cant wait mann..
im so in love with the song taking back my love mann by ciara and enrique...
god..enrique is soo handsome mann..okayy i know im being childish aite!
but its just fantasies..
great now mums shouting at me for smoking in the room..hee..
sometimes i cant simply obey mum but for papa...its always a yes!
i find that im stubborn at times

i missing someone badly right now..=(

Saturday, May 9, 2009 1:02 AM

hmm..i donno where i should start?
there are sad ones and happy ones.
maybe i should start with the sads ones.aiyaa..combine la.
on thursday night went cycling with homies.that includes ben,alnin.syaqinah,yong rong and me!
the usual 5 of us.ate seafood for dinner their treat.got their pay mahh..serangoon garden hawker centre not chomp2.=( i prefer chomp2 food.nicer. then decided to find multi carparks to wash alnin bike cos he wanted to spray the next day.then went serangoon carpark.wahh very tiring siaa go up the steep slope! but was worth it cos the spectacular view was nice.it was empty though.camwhored for a while and went off..thenn...riding back to ave 8 saw baby at bustop.dint stop or wadevaa bcos was angry with him for not contacting me the whole day except for at night which was few mins before i saw him at bustop.ignored baby and went to 7 eleven to buy ben ciggies.then baby came running towards me.was shocked cos thought that baby was going somewhere. baby looks different then his usual self.i ignored.then was talking to baby bout baby lost his phone just after minutes baby called me.and i was like wtf.talking and talking suddenly i smelt a stench! something that i hate the fucking most and it came from his fucking breath.fucking pissed and asked did he do anything? baby dint answered and i ask him to blow his breath on me instead he kemam(tighten his lips together) and dint want to talk.i blew up and almost wanted to slap baby but i tahan i shouted at him instead and snatch his shirt and gold chain.and this occurs infront of 7 eleven mind you.fucking pissed.ask him why he did it? said was stressed. i was like wtf? and he took the stupid dumb fucking thing before his phone was lost okay.i was like saying to him that im here wad..anything u can confide in me why must take? its a confirm that when he high that time his partner must have taken it la.its so obvious! then he started scolding me vulgarities as if it was my fault! walked away as do not want to fight any further cos homies was there.dont want them to know my true colours.


andd now im feeling regret for shouting at you baby.
you know that i did it out of concern and anger.
baby ar.. you promised me siaa you wont take it anymore.
end up you take it again.not fair siaa..baby is never changing..
now im worried for you and miss you very much.
everytime i miss you i called ur phone to listen to your voicemail.
and yest i kept calling just to listen to your voicemail until it was fulled.
baby ar..im so sorry.forgive me can?
please...i do treasure us.my words yesterday dint mean a thing cos i was mad at you.
come back to me.without you i feel incomplete.
waiting for ur call is like waiting for me to get attached again siaa..
call me soon k baby??




HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYDIA CHEE JIA HUI!!!!
LOVE YOU..





actually theres alot more of things i wanted to post about but lost interest cos thinking to hard boud baby already.haisss

Labels: im worried bout baby; HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYDIA

Sunday, May 3, 2009 5:07 AM

im fucking angry now!
wahh CB!
i did my coursework for like 4 hrs and POOF!
GONE SIAA...
bloody swine..i feel like throwing away my fucking com siaa..useless!
asshole!
lucky me i got all jotted down!
angry till i cry like fuck arh.till mum wke up and asked wad happened.
told her wad happened then end up blame me.fucking angry still add salt to injury..wahh fuck!
cocked up siaa..
knn..i really hate my life.
when i wanted that really sth it always turnout the other way..
cb!
omg!
im like so lagged behind already somemore my comm make it worsed!!
im stress siaa....omg!
whoever is willing to take my place for a day i would willingly give siaa..omg....
stress la sial...
n level u know...omg!!
its like its in the fucking morning now and here i am blogging bout this shit that just happened!
its worsed than shit i think.
angry.angry.aarrgghhhh!!!
syaitan! iblis! anak suar!
listening to some raihan songs now to cool me down..and breathe properly cos my whole shirt is full of mucus! cried like hell la fuck!
this really means alot to me siaa..
and its gone!just a blink of an eye!!
cool uhh??
stupid god damn fucking bitch computer.
pimps everywhere on the face due to not enough sleep mann!
i hate pimples mpre than anything else.
im hating mum now like fuck!and im seriously having depression.
mum caught me talking to myself for afew times already.
and im abit afraid of it cos i dont wanna be like last time.becos of stress become like this.
i banged my head on the wall also never realise.cool?
theres alot of my past that people dont know and im letting it out one by one..
i really dont want to be like last time cos its gonna hurt everybody to see the condition that im gonna be.

ok enough already.
i wanna have breakfast.
im hungry.
meeting homies at 7am.
donnoe they all can get up or not?
i really hope they can cos im fucking hungry.
been hitting on redbull since just now.haha.syaqinah taught me that.and it really works mann..thats why im still awake until now..i took two cans of it.and i actually really hate too sweet too sour too bitter or wadeva the taste is la cos i find it disgusting and i dont believe that i just swallowed two cans of very sweet drink!