Friday, May 15, 2009 1:20 AM

im happy that ben and laureen patch up.
i really do.regardless of my help or not they still want to continue their journey.
im glad it happened!
but for ilana no its not turning out well at all.
its the opposite.
ilana wants to patch up but boiboi dosen.
and it really hurts me to see ilana cry.
and she would vent her anger on me and stuff..i know that she is stressed up and stuff thats why she did that and still angry at me bout the past .i know i know how it feels. but seriously i dint meant a thing! you were never like this before towards me.but i dont mind. as long as i can take i take. all those hugs and kisses i gave her was sincere from my heart none of them was out from symphathy. it seriously hurts me. but this is life you got to accept the facts.im really stressed sia..i cant bear to see my friends been through hardships nvm me cos ive experienced it all.just name it!
i may look dumb or whatever but im not. im always caring for you,here for you.
and now im also crying.it justs hurts me alot to see you in this condition. i wish i was the one taking it not you.
but im really glad that someone there to hear me out.
and syaqinah seriously i can sense ur love for me now.i can sense it alr or maybe youve change.
sorry for all those slaps on your thighs jus now.i was just playing around.
after all these years ive been alone i even forgot how is the feeling of love like. i find it really pointless of falling in love again. ive lost once i truly dont wan to lose till my last breath why not the second time?
too scared to fall in love alr..phobia..
maybe im born not to be in love but just love my friends only and i can see that im 3/4 there alr.
im just very complicated. nobody can understand me.only those who have cried with me then will understand but not fully.i always feel neglected by family thats why i have friends i make sure they love me. although i dont get love at home at least i get some from friends.they are the ones that makes me smile always unlike home always full of vulgarities from mum and dad until cannot bear alr go out. they always think very low of me. they think that i can never succeed in life and stuffs. is that what a parent should say? haiss..horrible.


i have never moved on in life.
im still here waiting for you.


maybe because of me falling out of love i became what i am now.
i want to talk to a stranger. someone who dosen know me at all.
i want to turn back time when i was a lil girl.daddy girl mum call it. cos daddy used to love me very much.he would buy me all the things i have asked for.now? a shampoo also very difficult!
its very very rare now i received gifts from dad. maybe mum is the reason why..
am i difficult to talk to? =/