FRIENDS;
in the afternoon went out with baby!
went to bugis. walk2 had dinner and home.
just returned not long ago from adam's corner with Alnin,Ben and Patrick.
quite a good outing. get to know some facts from ben although it hurts to hear but im alright with it because im willing to change for the better but will you? pointing fingers just wont work. For Gregory Ho Jia jJun, im going to be stern on you from now.dont hate me cause i have to do my part as a friend.its going to be harsh. i want to wake you up from your ''own world''. i dont want to see you sweeping the roads when you get older.(im sorry).
best part is that they say i never contact them. a big WOW man.
haiss forget it! no point saying it out already cause when i say they give some stupid sour faces and just blame me.better still comparing me with them now. wtf??
yala i know im not the only one taking o level but this really mean alot to me. like really alot!
now i drifting apart from everyone. i can clearly sense it. their hate for me is growing bigger and bigger right kin? right ben? i know..
WEIGHT PROBLEM;
for the first time i think i should really lose weight!!
and im gonna do it slowly or maybe..idk.but i have to lose weight because i cant really run like last time already and i have to cut down my cigarettes as well. its just bringing harm to me not good and the future courier that i wanna have is very strict about weight and here i am gaining kilos after kilos until someone came to me and said u need to lose weight girl.a personal trainer which is today when i met her at bugis.
STUDIES,SCHOOL;
sometimes i lost interest in studies sometimes i pull up my socks.
i really dont know what to do but this year just totally sucked!
all those homeworks are just making me go crazy!
and thanks to homework i failed in ca1. like totally down man.i was like fucked up!
dint tell my parents bout it as i know what they would say.
class is so sucky now! we have to seat in different seats arranged by our teachers.that part im fine.but they put in the place where i dont have the fan and at the corner where i cant see the visualizer! fuck mr ng! whats the motive putting me at the corner huh?! you think i cant study is it? beside the corridor somemore with all those fucking sec 1 students! stomping their way to classes and shouting on top of their lungs when coming back from recess or whenever la!
FAMILY;
mum is totally being a freak! shes freaking out at all the small things or should i say paranoid?
i really dont know what some more to do with her she just..*lost for words. =(
if not comparing me to the cousins, nag, if not nag always tracking me down on my whereabouts.
in every way she can until my friends get really fed up with me! simply hate her but i love her.
and i got to know something..this phrase..'which daughter will ever hate her dad?'
im shocked when i think the answer to it and all in mind was.. yes.no daughter will ever hate her dad no matter how mean he is. idk why but thats just the answer.think about it all troubled daughters out there. thats the same answer u are going to get.
CONFESSION;
IM INNOCENT! i did not do anything wrong! why you guys just dont believe me? i did not get caught by the police!
i HATE homeworks!!!
i HATE Mr NG WEE CHUNG!
I THINK THERES SOMETHING GROWING IM MY STOMACH..GRR..

its like six thirty now and i still havent got a wink of sleep.
all thanks to my uneasy heart.
crying out the whole night was a good thing to do though.thats what i just did and i just stopped. cried from 12 till 615 when finally ive really calm down.
things are just getting so much worser for me.i just dont know why and i have decided to leave those i love. seriously i have my reasons. you guys will be much better off without me.okays?
although my number one fear in this bad world is being alone.
im telling myself that i have to independent now. stop depending on others.
well i gave my farewell to isra and syaqinah and ben already.
i am not sure whether do they take it seriously or not but i do.
i dont know what make me made my decision this way but i think thats the best solution for me and my friends.
haiss..its hard for as well as for them but i will try and live with it.
this is my consequence for not coming to school punctually and daily.
its not that i dont want come. its really at night i was studying trying to make up all those words that i dont understand makes sense.
im a very slow learner but i do my best to understand the concept.
mummy is always putting pressure on me which i dont understnd why?!
like crazy mother i have.call my teachers, come to school just to let them know that i have not been coming punctually and regularly. sometimes i really want to put her in a mental asylum but i dont have the heart to. my heart is just too soft!
which child doesnt loves the mother? well i guess no one right. everyone loves their parents. its just that they dont show it and express it and the people are like me.
i simply dont know how to express my love to them cos its just way too complicated!
in their eyes im just a troublemaker and nothing else.
now me and my mum are not in talking terms which i dont understnd why..
well ive set my goals and i want to achieve it! i dont want just say only but action speak louder than words.
and theres this guy in my school a silent reader of my blog which actually i have not seen him around the school eventhough i have been 7 years in this crap school.
well..i dint know he existed but one thing for sure; he has a good heart. he said something that moved me.
well i was touched by his words seriously. i think out of 20 of my friends you are the only one that would say all those words and you know what?
ThAnK yOu! =)